forensic files narrator: … and he left his finger prints on the door knob…
me eating my 5th mozzarella stick: you absolute fucking idiot
(via sleeping--insomniac)
adulthood is really just being responsible for a ton of pieces of paper that you don’t need that often but when you do need them you REALLY need them
Most accurate post EVER
(via ultrabiblence)
i love how unproblematic firefighters are. they just wanna put out the fires.
I used to think that.
that’s so ominous wtf did the firefighters do to you
(via surprisebitch)
psychic: you’re going to die in a car accident sometime soo-
me: *is sprinting to the parking lot*
psychic: uh…..don’t you wanna finish the session?
me:
(via hotboyproblems)
if marx was real what would his tumblr url be
if marx was real
(via clickthing)
person: hey are you ticklish at all?
me: *takes 8 steps back*
me: …….no……..😈This is sooooo Daddy
(via surprisebitch)
m86:
The ghost in my room asked me to eat her pussy out
i see everyone’s having fun this halloween
(via messyanddontcare)
If you’re going to space. You have to be prepared to fuck the aliens. Or like at least one person on your crew does I get that it’s not everyone’s thing. I’m just saying. Someone’s gotta do it.
(via clickthing)